Have I left my home just to whine in this microphone?

The sound of the alarm hammering my ears in, the morning comes into focus and there is a pain in my side starting at my left shoulder, my breath rasps painfully with the rise and fall of my chest and my eyes sting. I roll over onto my left side and the pain builds to bursting point.


Cancer?


Stroke?


Am I having a heart attack?


At 6.30 in the morning the thought of serious illness makes me smile, it brings to mind the image of a swimming pool filled with medical certificates, dates stretching from here to eternity and I'm doing backstroke Scrooge McDuck style.

Happy... like a pig in shit.