Reconnected but confused

Reconnected but confused... I suspect that when I moved house I forgot to take kidexxxile with me!
Is this the end of kidexxxile?

Until I'm a dust cloud hanging in the air.

I've got a new place waiting for me in the suburbs miles away from this disaster. Andre is interstate... indefinitely; the run-away and I are not the best of friends... I've played this scenario through in head again and again trying to figure a way to do the right thing by people but either way I am out of here tomorrow morning and nobody's really gonna like it. Nothing is happening here but there is this low hum, hostility permeates the air but it just grinds away achieving nothing.


Keep my mouth shut and it will all be over soon.


It's best if nobody realises anything until my presence here is little more than a dust cloud hanging in the air. So I'm sitting here with this jerk pretending like everything is normal and waiting for him to go to bed so I can load up the car. I've done this before but this is the bit I hate most, the part where you have to make polite conversation and act natural when every atom of your being is screaming 'Let's blow this pop stand!'


I feel on edge, it could be all the caffeine, but I haven't liked this scenario from day one and that light at the end of the tunnel is driving me crazy. The kid never leaves the house, he barely moves from the seat where his computer is set up, I think he does this to spite me... it's as if he knows this particular course of drastic inaction will fuck up all my plans to slip away unnoticed... but that's just crazy talk!


So I watch 'Repo Man'... again

Drink a lot of coffee

Snack nervously

Try to get some work done and wait.

Come morning and this will all have been nothing more than a bad dream!

fresh

The thought of moving house gives me butterflies of excitement. There is nothing better than the feeling of potential not yet ruined by the limitations of reality.


'When I get there I will be a different person, with a different life'


There's that moment when you've just unpacked all the boxes from which you construct your bedroom and put it together. You stand back feeling like you've finally made it. You are free of that cocoon. You are fully grown, bigger, better, faster, stronger. This is the moment you will always remember as the turning point in your life where you started living up to your true potential. This is the point in time when you became the 'you' you were always destined to be... the first step to greatness began with this move.


It all started with this change of scenery.


Then you go to the fridge, crack a celebratory beer and sit down in the living room with your new housemates. You hate the show they're watching and you can't think of anything to say to them. You feel tense and insecure all over again. You finish you beer get another, think momentarily about trying to achieve something but settle instead for that t.v show you hate, sitting around with the housemates you already feel estranged from.


What difference does one more night of mediocrity make?


You can always start again tomorrow.

Plugging back into the worlds mixing board

Well Andre came back from his latest business trip with a 17 year old runaway from Central Queensland in the passenger seat of his car claiming this kid to be our new housemate. I was not consulted... I am not impressed. As a high school teacher the last thing I want to have to live with are people of high schooling age, especially brats who have an arguement with their parents and skip out on their entire state in the car of some 34 year old travelling sales man.


Andre dumped him on the doorstep and then left again leaving me alone with him... apparently Andre has now officially moved to Canberra for work... even as I write this knowing that it is happening to me I am struggling with how stupid this sounds.


The first thing the kid said to me was:

"You know, when Andre told me you were a high school teacher I didn't think this would work. I fucking hate teachers you see. Then when I first saw you coming up the drive I thought you were scarey but now I guess you are okay."

Immediately I knew... it's that time once again.
Time to get the fuck out of Dodge!

somewhere... nowhere... anywhere...

We were on a bus listening to the crackling golden oldies straining to escape the ancient speakers when she turned to her friend and said:

"Everyone used to be all like, 'Why do you hang out with Jarred and that?' and I'd just tell them. I do what I want to do. See I like to live my life like I can go anywhere."

She got off in Launching Place and I wrote this in my notebook.

...the most stronger one...

I once received a text message on my phone which read:
I hijack cigarettes.
I crash them into my face
and
set them on fire.


The message in question was sent at a quarter to midnight on the 5th of May... I was 24 then, I am 26 now... it has always disturbed me, this message, I have never been comfortable with it. At least it came from a friend, a close friend, I am not sure I could have dealt with it had it come from a complete stranger (or even a partial stranger).


The person who sent me this message likes horror movies. I like horror movies. We bond through horror movies. Once we watched all of the Friday 13th movies in a row without a break. It was 2003 then so we could only see up to Jason Goes To Hell... Jason X wasn't out yet and for some reason we ignored Jason vs. Freddy (or Freddy vs. Jason, I always get it the wrong way around).
It was kind of a numbing experience but significant to our friendship
shared experiences are important.


A couple of months after 'the cigarette incident' he sent me another message, this one said:
I don't have the most bigger one,
I don't have the most powerfulest one
but
I do have the most stronger one!
Its name is Juagar.


It was sent on the 8th of July at 1pm.


It is Engrish... I like Engrish... so does my friend.
When I read it I laughed (a lot).


It is important to find things to laugh about
or
that's what I think anyway.


Today I am going to travel all the way in to Melbourne by bus
it will take a couple of hours
and
I will probably regret my decision
but
that is not important.
I think people need to do things just to have the experience even if that experience is one low level boredom.
It is important to be out in the world even if nothing happens.

For this reason I like the following things:
1>Waiting rooms
2>Park Benches
3>Trainstaions/Bus Stops
4>Convenience stores
5>Supermarkets

I always find things to laugh about or write about or even just think about when I am around these places. And although these experiences will never make me laugh as hard as I laughed when I received the Juagar message they are still good!

That message.
Wow!
To get something like that
completely random and nonsensical
out of the blue
that makes me happy.

I like things which are random and nonsensical.

Like a car without wheels.

A man walks into a bookstore in a small town inquiring after a copy of George Orwell's Animal Farm. The bookstore is strange in that it is very small and contains next to no books whatsoever. The store owner tells the man that he has the book in stock but is unable to sell it. When questioned about why the sale of the book is an impossibility the store owners replies by telling the man the following:

"I can't stand clutter, I hate it. See that's the problem with running a second hand bookstore is books keep coming in from all over the place and the only way I can keep on top of things is by packing up the old books in boxes and taking them home. To be honest I can't sell you the book because I will never be able to find it, there are that many boxes filled with that many books."


The man leaves the store feeling very confused... a bookstore which has books in stock but will not sell them to you because it would be too much trouble... a bookstore with maybe ten books in the entire store... it is very difficult to be a customer in a store like this one the man thinks to himself.


Later in the week that same man is having coffee with a friend in the main street when the topic of the bookstore or more specifically the sanity of the book store owner gets brought up. His friend informs him of the following:

"You didn't actually go in there trying to buy anything did you? He'll never sell it to you."


The man's friend tells him this in a way that is completely at peace with the fact that the local bookstore contains no books. She says it as if this is just business as usual and it would be strange of you to expect anything else.