My boring life vs. the giant mutant crustacean with heat-ray vision and an insatiable hunger for human flesh

I have not posted in over two weeks... it is not just that I have been working far too much and have not had time, it is also that I have had nothing post-worthy happening in my life. Sometimes I wish that my life could be a Roger Corman production... that would be cool. If Roger was writing them then my days could be filled with ghosts and demons and mad scientists and aliens and naked chicks and car chases and stuff. Instead I go to work, then I come home and watch too much television and smoke too many cigarettes; I think about how I should quit smoking and television but then I just get depressed about the amount of television I watch and how much I smoke and that prompts me to smoke more and turn on the television in search of distraction.


If this was a Roger Corman film there would be a secret defence base near my house working on a top secret laser weapon, it would malfunction during a storm which would probably cause it to fire at random thus hitting my aerial in the wee hours whilst I was up watching some lame monster movie. I imagine that at this point Mr Corman would have to decide whether my television would turn into a portal that sucked me into a monster movie universe or a portal that let the monsters escape into the 'real' world... either way I would be pursued by government agents trying to protect national defence secrets, hook up with the female lead from the movie I was watching on the box when this whole fiasco started and just generally save the world from some kind of icky giant mutant crustacean with heat-ray vision and an insatiable hunger for human flesh.